A Day in the Life of Jack
by GuardianAmy
Summary: Jack was just minding his own buisness when suddenly he was owning a farm. This is based off of Magical Melody. Pretty much a WTF! day.
1. Chapter 1

Author note: Me and my friend Lashala wrote this together. I hope you like it! I do not own Harvest moon or the cat in the hat! Or Dr Seuss.Or the Oompa loompas But why would I want to? shivers

Jack walked around one cloudy day when he heard a booming voice. "Come take advantage of our exciting farm plan!" Jack then held up his hand and yelled:

"Ah farming that does sound exciting!_ Sarcasm_. Cows chickens and bouncing sheep!" Jack then looked for where the booming voice came from and saw a tiny little man with a hat. "You look like you came from Dr Seuss! Where's your tall cat with a red stripped hat?" Suddenly the cat in the hat walks by. "Nevermind. Ok you're an Oompa loompa then!" The man in the hat looks at Jack with a stare of happiness with a cross on his head. Jack then wonders where that cross came from. The man in the hat says, "That's enough of that. Do you want to take advantage of this plan or not?"

"Oh yeah sure sure." _Sarcasm._ The man in the hat said he was the mayor. Jack thought he looked like a teddy bear.

"Where do you wanna live?"

"Where do I wanna live? I haven't even seen the village yet!"

"You don't need to! I'll describe it to you!"

"You can't tell anything from description." The mayor ignores Jack and pulls out a box with three choices. Jack looks at the box considering it carefully. "Hmm. I think I'll take the ocean."

"No. Not the ocean. The land is unfertile." Jack considers this for a moment.

"I'll take the village then!"

"No not enough room." Jack looks annoyed and says "Well do you have any problems with the river then?"

"No the land is fertile and you have room for everything!" Jack smacks his head and mumbles.

"Fine I'll take the river then." He then thinks to himself; 'He must have a lot of river property to give away.' Jack then found himself standing in front of the river house that seemed to pop out of nowhere. "What the hell? Where did this come from?" After the mayor ignores Jack again he says, "You can arrange your furniture now." Jack then found himself moving automatically and was freaking out now. He moved all the furniture around and walked outside. The mayor tells him to go to sleep and Jack doesn't want to due to him thinking his house is haunted, but yet again he is teleported to the bed and falls asleep. He is then awakened to the sound of somebody pounding on his door. He then grumbled, "It is 6 am why is someone pounding on my door?" He walks out to find to his surprise no one's there. He slams the door and heads back to bed. To his utter disappointment he heard another pounding at the door. He walks back to the door muttering, "Damn kids..." He looks out to find yet again no one. As he turns to slam the door again he hears a voice coming from the ground. "We're down here you jerk! Yea!" Jack was kind of surprised and said, "I'm the jerk? You're the one pounding on my door at 6 am! Who do you think you are?"

"We're the harvest sprites and we serve the harvest goddess! Yea!"

"Stop screaming yea!" Jack said holding his ears.

"No! Yea! Come with us. Yea!"

"No I'm going back to bed!" Jack said as he was trying to close the door only to find himself run into a statue. "Ow my eye!"

"This is the harvest goddess. Yea!" Jack had a bubble float out of his head as he said,

"It's a statue..."

"No. Yea! It's the harvest goddess only she was turned into a statue. Yea!"

"You know that can be very annoying..." Jack said as the sprites glued something to his hand. He then waved frantically to get it off. "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!"

"Hahahahahaha! Yea! This will be our spy camera I mean... Yea! It will monitor your work progress. Yea! It's a pedometer. Yea!" Jack thought that sounded so wrong and tried to run away from them but was knocked down by a glowing note thingy.'Theterrible thoughts note.' "Ahh holy crap! Don't smite me Harvest goddess! Don't smite me!" Harvest sprites looked very confused now.

"Um... Yea! The harvest goddess will smite you if you don't help by working your ass off! Yea!"

"But she is a statue..?"The harvest sprites looked evilly happy.

"She'll find a way. She always finds a way. Muahahahahahah! Yea! As long as we keep saying yea she won't bother you. Yea!" Jack looked scared and fell into a fetal position and sucked his thumb.

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home." Then another note appears above his head and he freaks and runs off screaming. "Ahhhhhhhh!" A box appears below the note saying, 'Sucking your thumb note.' Jack unable to leave the Harvest goddess spring frantically tries to hide behind a bunny only to have the note knock the bunny unconscious. 'Hiding behind the bunny like a wuss note.' Suddenly a person with purple hair and a hat comes up to Jack.

"Jamie! Yea!" The harvest sprites yell.

"I'm not working with you guys!"

"Why did you come up here then? Yea!"

"To save Jack from you guys!" Jack looks at Jamie and has to ask.

"What are you? Are you a man or a woman?" Jamie looks pissed and looks at the sprites.

"Nevermind. You can have him. You will never be better than me!"

"I just wanted to know to what you are! Take off your pants!" Jamie looks horrified and runs away with a note chasing 'it' saying 'Running from perverts note.' Jack then finds himself at his house again and was still trying to get the pedometer off his hand only to have it crawl to his arm.

"That was freaky." Jack said as he is hit with a bunch of seeds and a hoe. He looks to see who threw it and saw two pink haired ladies laughing and running in a shop. "Okay... Jack said as he got to planting the seeds only to be hit with a damn note again. "The being hit by a girl note.'

Jack then turned and tripped on a purple leaf heart thing and fell on his nose thus breaking it. A note hits him unconscious saying 'The breaking your nose note.' Jack then appears at the hospital in front of a man in a lab coat. "Are you conscious?" Jack nods and the man then starts laughing. Jack thinks to himself 'I don't see what is so funny, I broke my nose!' "You tripped and broke your nose." The man said as he laughed. Jack just watches the man in amazement.

"Who are you!"

"I'm Alex. I'm the doctor."He said laughing still. Jack then thinks to himself, 'I'm screwed.' "If you give me stuff my good friend Martha will move into the village, and if you ship thirty herbs her creepy granddaughter and a girl that dresses like a moroccan princess will move in."

"That sounds scary."

"Just give me stuff."

"Ok just fix my nose!" Jack said as a note smacks him and says 'Giving in to weird commands note.' Jack then rubs his head and yells in sarcasm. "Lucky!"

"What did you say?" The doctor asked.

"I don't know sounded like ducky to me."

"Well your nose should be better. Hahahha"

"Stop laughing at me!" Jack says as the doctor laughs.

Jack then pops back outside his house with a 'pop' noise. "Stupid hyena doctor..." Jack mumbles before grabbing the dangerous purple herb and throwing it in a box.

"Hi!" Came a deep voice that scared Jack.

"Ahhh don't do that!" Jack said holding his heart as a note falls on him saying. 'Being scared by a man that is bigger than you note.' Then a duck walked by and Jack yelled "Ducky!"

"I'm Bob!" Jack looks at him with bubbles coming out of his head.

"Bob your scary."

"I'm not scary. I'm the shipper." Bob said as he took the herb. "I'll give you your money tomorrow!"

"Hmm money you say?" Jack rubs his chin. "I like the thought of money. What do I have to do?"

"Just put anything in that box there." Bob said smiling.

"How about rocks?"

"No not rocks."

"How about weeds?"

"No not weeds."

"You can't say anything then can you?" Jack said with a cross on his head. "What about blocks of wood?"

"Yes you can ship blocks of wood!" Bob yells happily. Jack looks a bit scared at a grown man leaping for joy.

"Don't hit me!" Jack cowers in the corner. Bob looks at him weird and just walks away.

"Just remember to ship things." He says as he walks away.

Jack shouts from the corner, "Ok anything! Just don't hurt me!" Fades to black.

Author note: Do you think we should continue this? Just review and tell us!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thora0916 wrote most of this one. So I'm giving credit to her. We do not own Harvest Moon, Tylenol, or Gigantor. However we probably own a bottle of Tylenol and one of us owns a giant robot. . Not saying which one. . 

Jack awoke from a sound sleep to yet another banging on the door. "AAHHH! NO BOB I SWEAR I DIDN'T PUT A WEED IN THE BOX!" Yet another note appeared above his head. The I'm a Liar Liar with Pants Constantly on Fire Note. Jack swats it away from his head, "I am not lying."

Suddenly he heard a voice, "Oh wait sorry...wrong note..." He then hears some shuffling around. "Just a minute...Just a minute...Just a minute...THERE IT IS! Here." Dreaming of Another Man Note.

"Can't you at least say a nightmare about another man?"

"That would mean I'd have to get the note back from you and find my car keys, then I'd have to get in my car to take it to the repair shop and it's just too much of a hassle."

"Can I at least have a different note?"

The Complains Too Much Note. "There...don't call me again or I'll put my fingers in my ears and go 'LALALALALA,' so there."

"Fine."

Jack then gets hit quite suddenly with a violin and starts up in bed. "What the hell?" He rubs his head and pops another Tylenol in his mouth. "Why are you hitting me in the head all the time!" Another note falls on his head and he lays on the floor with big swirly eyes. 'The having a concussion note.'

Meanwhile, outside of the house, Ellen stood outside the door with her ear pressed against it. "These doors are too well made...I can't hear a thing."

Suddenly the door opened and Ellen fell through knocking Jack over. Jack and Ellen lay unconscious on the floor until the dog that had traveled with came in and licked Jack on the face. "Mmm...you know miss we just met and while I'm flattered...Oh" Jack said as he awoke.

Ellen woke up on top of him and looked down, "Why is my dress wet? And what's this stain...EWWWW! You creepy little...!"

"I'm sorry," Jack pleaded as he tried to get up from under Ellen. "I really don't know what that is on your dress."

Suddenly The Wet Dream Note appeared over his head. "COULDN'T YOU HAVE WAITED UNTIL SHE LEFT!"  
"LALALA!"

"Here!" She yelled pushing the small dog into Jack's arms. "Take the dog, name it, I'm leaving."

"But I..." Jack started before being interrupted by the door slamming. Jack sighed and looked down at the little dog sitting at his feet. "I guess I should name you then." Suddenly a box popped up, covering Jack and the entire room. "Hey!" He yelled trying to peek around the box. "Oh fine...I think that I'll name you Bob..." Jack's eyes widened as he realized what he had just done. "NOOOO! Not Bob, not Bob!" He cried but it was too late. The box had already left to wait for another decision making thing. The new Bob looked up at his new owner, a series of three dots appearing above his head with a question mark at the end. Suddenly another note appeared over Jack's head. The Obsessed With Another Man Note. "I am no..."

Suddenly Jack got tackled by Sprites and they stole his violin away. "We're giving this to the statue, I mean Goddess! Yea! Bye yea!" They then ran off with Bob chasing after them and biting one of their heads off. Fade to black.

Jack finds himself in his house with Bob standing beside his bed happily chewing on the sprite's head. Jack walked over to his tool box hoping to find a shovel to bury the sprite's head and body. "I hope the Harvest Goddess doesn't smite me...I can't help what some random dog that some random person brought me does. I have an axe, a hoe, a watering can, and a fishing rod but no shovel. Why isn't there a shovel?" he asked his voice shaky. "I know, I know...He broke in and wanged me over the head with a violin...Yeah yeah this is good." The Panic Note suddenly appeared above his head. "Damn right I'm panicking!" Suddenly a shovel appears right in front of his loins. An inch closer and they woulda been cut in half. Jack of course wet himself by now and was rubbing his head as another note hit it. The Pissing in Your Pants Note. Jack looked around to see a shadow moving across his lawn and jumping into the river. "What the hell?" Jack asked forgetting completely about the decapitated sprite laying in his back yard.

"FISH! WEEEEE!" He heard coming from the river.

"What the hell?" Jack asked again, walking to the river bank and peering in. There going crazy over the many many fish in the river he saw a man with brown hair swimming happily among his fishy buddies. Jack watched the man for some time, scratching his head with one eyebrow raised. "Um...Hello?"

The little brown haired man looked up shocked. "Fish?" He said confused.

"Um...yeah...what are you doing?"

The little man jumped out of the river "FISH!" he screamed, wielding his fishing rod like a sword.

"AH! Don't hurt me!" Jack cried, covering his head with his hands.

The little brunette landed in front of a quivering Jack. "Hi!" He said beaming. "My name's Ray and I love fish!"

"I gathered that...What are you doing?"

"Mingling."

"Ah."

"And what might your name be?"

"Jack..."

"That's a nice name...It makes me think of fish..."

"Right..."

"Do you like fish?" He asked enthusiastically, his eye twitching.

"Um...sure...just don't kill me in my sleep...and don't rape the fish...I might want to eat some of those..."

"You're funny...I bet we'll be good friends. Anyway...I don't give you anything of any importance now but after you've used your fishing rod enough I'll give you a copper one but you'll probably forget about it and get the one in the junk shop. You know, it's kind of interesting that they named their shop the junk shop. You know what else is interesting?"

"Fish?"

"Exactly!"

"Are you crazy?"

Ray began laughing hysterically for at least an hour. "You're funny, but I have to go to my secret island now but I shouldn't have told you that...LOOK A MONKEY!"

Jack turned to around to find a monkey walking up behind him. "Hey there really is a monkey." He turned back to find that Ray had left. Suddenly The Meeting the Person That Most of the People in the Village Think is Creepier Than You Including Ellen Note appeared above his head. "Um...right..." Fade to black.

Jack found himself standing outside his house with Ray walking around beside the river. "What the hell?" Jack asked once again. Suddenly The Curses Too Much Note appeared. Ignoring it he walked over to Ray. "I thought you went to your 'secret island.'"

"What are you talking about? I don't have a secret island where I stand with my fishing rod all day but never try to catch a single fish."

"Alrighty then." Jack said walking away. Finally deciding to get some farming done, Jack began to hoe at the dirt surrounding his house. As he done so he started singing a happy tune under his breath. "Gigantor, Gigantor. Gigantor the space aged robot, he is at your command. Gigantor the space aged robot, his power is in your hand. Bigger than big, taller than tall, quicker than quick, stronger than strong. Ready to fight for right, against wrong." unbeknownst to Jack, Jamie chose that moment to walk by as he yelled, "GIGANTOR!"

"AH!" 'it' started. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

Suddenly The Likes To Sing Like a Sissy Note appeared above his head.

Jaime started laughing hysterically at this new note.

"Gee thanks..." Jack said to the benevolent note giver guy thing.

"LALALALALA!"

"Um...Look a monkey!" Jack said preparing to run.

"Yeah...That's Chinky...Everyone knows about him..."

Jack sweat-dropped and turned around. He was about to pick up his seeds when a bullet went through his leg. "Ahhhh! What the hell?" He gripped his leg and an old man walked up to him. The old man glared at Jack and kicked him.

"How dare you kill one of our beloved Harvest Sprites!" Jamie by this time had run away. 'It' got queasy and threw up in the river. Jamie was then lynched by the weird fish guy for messing up his fish. As all of this was going on Jack passed out from blood loss and was taken to the crazy ass doctor again. Jack woke up to maniacal laughter and pissed his pants again. He was hit on the head again by the Pissing your pants mach II note. Jack scowled up at the note guy.

"We did this one already!"

"LALALALA!"

Jack got out of bed and was trying to sneak away from the doctor when an old lady leaped onto him." Mine!" Jack screamed and threw her at the doctor and made a run for it. "Where is this place? Hell?"


End file.
